Dear Diary : Broken Heart

"Dear diary,

Let me tell you about my story,

I know it's rather sad,

but that's the way I feel..

I can be tough, I can be strong,

but with him it's not like that at all.. 

We almost knew what love was,

but almost is never enough.

A broken heart is all I have now,

but some things are better left unsaid.

Dear diary,

strong is not exactly the right word,

started thinking of leaving him,

but I'm afraid it might hurt him..

All I want is 
for everything in the right place 
so everyone is happy..

Is that too much to ask for..?

All that I know is I don't know

how to be something he'd miss..

Never thought he would be my last first kiss.. 

Never thought that would be our last kiss,

never imagined we would end like this..

Dear diary,

strong is not exactly the right word,

I don't know what to do now,

confusion is all over me.."

"Stand up, little girl,

a broken heart can't be that bad.

When it's through, 

it's through."

...

Now maybe you noticed, those lines are taken from song lyrics. 

So, something happened between me with the guy I liked. We were not dating, but we've been close for nearly 6 months straight. After all those memories and stuffs we've been through, I was trapped in dilemma and I knew we can't continue any longer. 

Yes, behind me, he's already dating someone. I couldn't help to stop liking him even I knew I was wrong and I should have stopped. But I noticed he treated me differently. He's a jerk, yet he's like a bad guy who would be nice just for me.

The more he's nice to me, the more I got attached on him. Such as late timing to know that fact.

I tried to move on, however it was not easy at all as he kept appearing everyday. I didn't know why he kept denying his own relationship. Until one day, his girlfriend was crying in front of me. That's not even the first time she cried. 

Some day, I felt really bad for her and I would blame myself as guilty, for interrupting their relationship somehow. 

I also got tired from being played and fooled, don't you think it's better to leave than to stay yet keep getting hurt?

I thought he had special feelings for me too as we were close more than as friends, but actually no. He said that all those time, he was only nice because from the start he wanted to get close

to me as friends. Nothing else.

I was expecting too much.

I noticed that we were never meant to be. 

Then I decided to end our "unknown" relationship. But that's because I wanted everything in the right place and everyone is happy. Even if that means I have to let him go. Well, at least I don't want anyone to get hurt any longer. After all (I prefer that) I would love to see her happy with him.

In the end, I realized that I didn't like him anymore instead I had fell in love. But I think it's better to let go before it's too late..

(That happened last month, at the end of January.)

Maybe we can still be friends, but not for now. I guess I need sometimes to maintain my feelings, moving on, and focus more on my studies and the exam preparation.

I'm okay now, just got a little bit heart broken (wow, it hurts like hell). I never imagined that it's actually hurting inside. Even words can't describe how bad it feels.

Anyway,

I wanted to share the lyrics from the song "Dear Diary" by MOCCA, 
that's just exactly how I felt, striking right into my feelings. 
Along with other songs, you can tell :

Wish You Were Here (Avril Lavigne)

Almost Is Never Enough (Ariana Grande feat. Nathan Sykes)

Better Left Unsaid (Ariana Grande)

Last Kiss (Taylor Swift)

To Be With You (Mr. BIG)

Note that I modified and changed some words from the lyrics. Hey I'm not writing song lyrics here okay.

Those songs are lovely and the lyrics are as nice as they sound. If you haven't heard any of the songs above, I recommend you to try and listen. :)

13/Feb/2014

"The worst part?

He broke my heart yet I still love him with all the broken pieces."