2014 WRAP UP

Hello everyone!! 
Long time no see right? Sorry for the absence from blogging.. November and December have been such a busy month considering exam preparations, term 2 exams, lot of events going and recently I just got back from my trip to the US! Ha i bet no one knows lol but don't worry I will blog about it soon so stay tuned! :)

Since 2014 is ending in just a few hours, I'm gonna write my last post for this year and it's all about things that happened during the whole year.. 

Here it goes :
(not in particular order - there's no way I remember everything okay)

- Spent the new year with Shanti

- Went to Bandung with my family

- Went to Dufan with Davi, Ivan & Nadine while everyone else started school

- First kiss

- I quit the gym

- THIS BLOG WAS BORN

- I made a new tumblr, Pinterest, YouTube and Soundcloud account

- The beginning of my tumblr-ish instagram

- This year's CNY I received the most number of angpao so far

- Monthly OOTD Photoshoots with Maarsja, Ivan, and Vanessa

- Term 3, I started to go out of my turtle shell

- Made friends and socialized with peeps

- Fell in love for the first time

- Experienced heart break for the first time

- Tried to move on for the first time

- Made new friends from the Internet

- Met Stanley and he's my sunshine

- Started blogging about HAUL, reviews, and adverts

- Started doing song covers and uploading videos on YouTube

- Time trials & IGCSE preparation

- IGCSE examination

- Saddest birthday ever

- Graduation & Prom

- Confessed to a guy for the first time

- Bae asked me out

- Started dating with Bae, he's my bf okay

- Bae moves to Bali.. Start of LDR

- New semester starts, officially a JC student

- Changed my Blackberry to Samsung

- Going to the same class with mostly Business people

- Lot of new friends & teachers at school

- Participated many school events (Games day, Lunar, Math & Science day, Teacher's day, UN day)

- Discovered JC1 life SUCKS

- Discovered that Sec 4 Math was so much easier because i understood nothing with JC Math

- Discovered that I was never good in Economics since Sec 4 (thought it's gonna be better)

- Had a math lesson for a week just before the term 3 exam

- Bae came back after 1 month he moved

- My grandma fell sick and hospitalized..

- My grandma passed away..
- My mom got hospitalised
- Vanessa visits my house monthly to do photoshoots

- Bae cheated on me

- We almost broke up, first time experienced how hard it is to let go someone you love

- Bae got hospitalised
- I fell sick due to shock and depression, literally crying nonstop (because Bae almost left me), absent for 3 days

- My maid who has been staying with the fam for more than 5 years quits

- hold on, i forgot..
- I got haircut

- Term 2 starts
- Even the love and trust were broken, things started to get better

- Almost break up again before Bae's birthday (thought we're bored of each other)

- Still struggling with Math and Econs

- Term 2 was filled with cheating and copying because 'hey everyone does that'

- Still managed to improve my grades for Term 2

- Got my report card with satisfying scores (mostly As except for Math & Econs duh fuckthatshit)

- Natalie and Mai left Indonesia :(

- My parents went to South Korea

- At some point of my life, nothing interesting happened..

- I got to hang out with my favourite bitches
- I got haircut again but my hair is getting thinner because hair loss

- I went to the US - West Coast with my family for 10 days

- IT. WAS. AWESOME

- I went to the Disneyland!!

- I saw snow for real!

- Longest flight duration ever (around 30 hours)
- Did not celebrate Christmas at all (was on the plane) :(
- Jet lag sucks

- Got extremely shocked and disappointed because Bae isn't here for new year

- We almost broke up again (you were just full of shit ILY)
- I had lunch on the last day of 2014 together with Davi & Vanessa
- Nothing special for New Year's celebration (night).. really I'm just updating my blog
- Even told by my dad to sleep earlier (it's still 8PM what), cause we are going to the beach tomorrow!
- No, I'm not excited about it.
- It's been a long roller coaster ride 2014..

- Overall, I have never cried so much in a year especially in my whole life. Most of the time I cried because of Bae because LDR is not easy, timing is a bitch and shits happened

- But because of him I know what love is, how happiness, sadness, excitement, and disappointment feel like, learned about patience, trust, faith, solving problems and not giving up
- I do realize this post refers to Bae a lot, he doesn't even know haha I'm sorry but you are my everything <3

- Aand my instagram followers have increased drastically, i gained +- 433 followers in 2014, THANK YOU!!
- I might update this post with related pictures, but not now because not now okay

- Looking forward to more adventures next year!!

So.. I think that's all from 2014, there's nothing much special but I'm grateful for my family, friends, and Bae, thanks for all the wonderful and meaningful memories! 

Last but not least, for those who have wasted their time to read this.. 
Thanks for reading! Happy New Year 2015!



31/Dec/2014
"So, this is my life. 
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad 
and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

eCards of November

Hello November!! Gosh, it's almost the end of 2014!

So I've been thinking of making a monthly post consisting my favourite eCards. Considering that I rarely post anything important about my life (my life is just dull lol) maybe I can still fill my blog with something hilarious, like eCards!

Okay, E-cards are basically electronic greeting cards sent over the Internet. Although what I really mean by "my eCards" are generally related with my shit life, sarcasm, and some random funny cards. Whatever eCards I'm posting every month, they're basically been in my mind/thoughts. Also I probably would  like to send the message to someone but I choose not to lol. Every month I'll be posting at least 10 eCards (or more). This post is just for fun :)

eCards of the month, November :

(all credits to Pinterest)

Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading!!

01/Nov/2014

"November, please be nice :)"

TRICK OR TREAT

Hello there! 

Long time no post right? Sorry not sorry - for not updating lol

Okay the reason that I didn't post much this month is because I freaking hate October! This month has been a long ride nightmare for me as I literally have more sad days than happy days during those 31 days. Such as my relationship almost ruined, JC life has gone worse, too many tests and assignments, communication problem with Bae, and bleh many more. As a result, I've been freaking stressed out and fully depressed because lots of shit happened, even until I fell sick and absent for few days. My life has never been this difficult.. And I never actually cried so much in a month. in a year. in my entire life. 

Wow. Much tears. Such drama. Very sad. Wow.

FYI this year's October has a curse called the "break up chain" when many couples broke up this month (especially from my school). Guess what? It almost fucking got me and Bae! Oops I don't wanna talk about the long ass frustrating drama in this post, maybe next time. But luckily, we're still together.. God, can't even believe we're reaching 4 months with our LDR. Though things are kinda complicated now. 

Since I assume that things are getting better (hopefully), I should post something for the month October! Yeayy.. October is identic with "Fall and Halloween", sadly we don't have any of those celebrations in Indo.. We don't even have fall season, and October has been freaking hot everyday.

But every year, my friends and I always have this Halloween Party which has been held annually for 5 years straight since grade 7 until now, yes we still celebrate it even after graduating and going to different schools. We would make our own events, lot of fun games and of course the most anticipated "Night Scream" (sort of Haunted House adventure lol). We did everything by ourselves btw.

And of course the event organizers are the legendary "freaks" consisting me, Maarsja, Ivan, and Vanessa. Sadly now we no longer have Maarsja and Vanessa to join the HP :(

Plus, unfortunately for this year, we have to post pone it to next week due to our own business with their upcoming school event like PL Fair and Gonz Fest (same day smh). Btw I'm going to Gonz Fest tomorrow to watch MOCCA omg <3

Anywayy, this year Halloween I'm dressing up as GUMI in Matryoshka!! As seen at the beginning of this post. Yeap the crazy patched-up Matryoshka~ check out the song on top of my blog playlist or you can watch the MV on YouTube. 

I basically have no idea what to wear.. Last year I was dressing up as a hipster. Hahaha wtf. So I just simply put on my Matryoshka hoodie, clipped on some ombre green-blue hair clips, and drew some patches on my face. Then I took some pictures with weird poses, because that's the point of being "crazy & odd" but don't forget the SWAG (badass).

dem fangs

The rest of this post, I'm just gonna post some old throwback pictures of Halloween Party from the previous years.

 Happy Halloween, guys! 

Goodbye October!

Thanks for reading!!

31/Oct/2014

"Trick or Treat?"

You Are My Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping

I dreamt I held you in my arms

When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken

So I hung my head, and I cried

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

I'll always love you and make you happy

If you will only say the same

But if you leave me to love another,

You'll regret it all one day

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are grey

You never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

Please don't take my sunshine away..

Stranger's Note, to Self

Alright, so i've realized lately, or have been noticing that so many people are so unhappy.. People that you see everyday that have the brightest smile on their face go home and cry every night, and people who are completely immersed in the conversation you're having are actually just thinking about the fact that they're not allowed to eat today and people who you think are so beautiful that go home and tell themselves how ugly they are, or compare themselves to others who are "more beautiful than them" or have this horrible twisted idea that they're not good enough.. and it honestly pains me to see a beautiful young girl have to live with the doubt that maybe she's not pretty enough, maybe she isn't smart enough, maybe she isn't skinny enough because SOMETHING or SOMEONE convinced her that she wasn't. 

I'm so sick of people making fun and so because they're "ugly as fuck" or "fat as fuck" or something because maybe they don't have long hair and maybe their hip bones don't show and maybe they don't skip a meal, or maybe they do but it doesn't really make a difference.. I don't really know what to do because i'm starting to experience it with friends. 

Friends that i think are beautiful, friends that i think are so amazing, friends that believe are perfect not only because they're beautiful on the outside but some of the most amazing people i know.. 

Why is that so many people are allowed to be unhappy? 

Why does anyone think they have they have the right to make someone feel that way? 

So if you're reading this, which i mean, it's totally understandable if no one does, but i think you're perfect. You're beautiful, no matter what that guy said, no matter what your mom thinks, no matter what that bitch next to you says or implies when she talks about herself. 

You're perfect to me, and you need to start learning to be perfect yourself, because until you're happy with who you are and accept that maybe you're not going to look like those skinny ass models that show every one of their bones, and maybe you won't be a ten on every guy's type.. but you are YOU, and nobody else can say that except you. and YOU are great, and YOU can do great things, and YOU ARE good enough, and smart enough, and pretty enough to be happy. 

YOU just have to believe that.

08/Oct/2014

-Lauren Jauregui

x

bla bla bla

so yesterday me and Vanessa had our monthly "visit" with our random photoshoot, the pictures are all pretty good, i'm soo in love with them thanks to vaness. unfortunately, the sd card turns out to be cracked on the corner so i couldn't do shit with it and my card is no longer detected in any devices. sigh this is much sadder than looking at my report card, and i'm still trying to fix it as it's only the case which is broken, wish me luck jajajaja. anyway this picture makes me happy, okay bye.

alone ≠ lonely

I'm seriously getting sick of people scolding or pitying me for being alone. What's wrong for being alone?

I still remember when everyone was sitting in the auditorium before exam starts, while I came late and ended up clueless so I just sat on stage by myself trying to study Math. Then the teacher was asking me why I was alone, I told her that I was studying, and she's like "don't be like that". 

Okay.. 
Don't you think that sometimes studying alone can let you concentrate and focus more? That's not the worst until people started to approach me, saying, "damn it mel, why are sitting alone? You look so lonely by yourself so I'm just gonna accompany you here". 

Somehow it can be translated as "you look like a freaking loser / creep". 

Hey seriously, alone DOES NOT mean I'm lonely. 

Well, maybe this has been the biggest issue of my life. Since the incident that happened to me few years ago, I have been trying to limit and secure myself socially. Sounds stupid right? That's why I tell you that I'm just socially awkward. I always have hard time to communicate with people especially when they do not start the conversation first. 
So if it should be me all of the time, does it mean they are the socially awkward ones? 
No. Because they have their own friends and maybe they find me too awkward that they don't even know what to say. But sometimes I wonder how can they talk freely with the others but not me? Perhaps I'm just nobody to mostly everyone.

There are 3 kinds of people, people who know me, people who think they know me, and people who don't know me yet. Those who I meant are people who really know me as a friend, people who just know I exist in their life, and people who never talk with me (yet). These people will treat you differently for each. 

Let's say those who know me think that I'm crazy, weird, and fun, while those who 'just' know me think that I'm a loner, gloomy, anti-social, and those who don't - might not even care about me. 

It's not anyone's business yet it bothers me when people pity me like I'm a freaking loner who doesn't even have any friends. Really, it's just me who likes to be alone, spending some time quietly just to study or read stuffs. I think people know that I'm just the person who never really gives a fuck, is that a compliment? I should care more, supposedly. 

And of course I have friends, a lot. Not just people from my school, but also from my previous schools, overseas and even from SNS. To be honest, I really miss my old friends and how we can laugh our ass off at the stupid, non-sense little things. 

But lately, it's kinda hard to blend in when you're new and all you can meet is people hanging out in groups that you don't even know with which group to join. I'm not even offending anyone cause this is what's really happening. I suppose it would be easier if I came with other new people but then I came alone, what a stranger ikr.

Just because my instagram mostly containing my face instead of me with my friends, doesn't mean that I don't have any friends or never hang out. I don't really publish my social life in SNS like hanging out with my friends or family members, unless you don't mind if I post your pictures on my blog or instagram and usually they still complain to me.

So is this my own fault? Yeah, considering that I'm the one who choose to be alone, I can blame myself for that. Yet if I can blame anyone else, it would be the society itself. They judge you based on what they see even though they're not always right. 

Now let me tell you, whenever you see me hanging alone looking miserable, lonely or shit, I am completely fine with it. There are times when I would go and hang out with people but there are times when I just want to be alone doing my own thing. Everyone knows if I ever felt down, of course I would tell myself to look for some company and just have fun, it's logic. 

You choose what you want to do and who you want to be, not the society.

 26/Sep/2014 

"So this is my life.
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad
and I'm still trying to figure out how could that be."

- Perks of Being a Wallflower

20 Facts About Me

Hello September!! 
Apologies for rarely posting any new posts.. I've been really stressed out by JC1 life, seriously sucks.

Anyways.. Since I'm tagged by some people to do the "20 Facts About Me", and idk why everyone's posting it all together today, so I guess I have to do this now?  Well, actually I already did this few months ago, but since it's not enough (?), I'll post another one hahaha.

20 Facts About Me :

1. crsn stands for Carshena
I'm a Christian Catholic, so I have my own baptist name which makes Carshena Melrose Burhan my full name. Carshena sounds pretty unknown and a such rare name, you might wanna google it (like I did lol)

2. Born in 14/May/1998 (Tiger year)
During the massive riot in Jakarta, one of Indonesia's worst incident, because of this my parents though of naming me "rusuhwati". My zodiac is Taurus, and my blood type is O.

3. I am an Introvert
Generally people think that I'm a socially awkward, shy, quiet person but I just enjoy being quiet and I love being alone as I don't really know how to start the conversation (unlike a lot of my extroverted friends). I would rather stay at home than hanging out or go to parties, I find it kind of wasting time, energy, and I'm just so lazy most of the time. Sometimes I just like to work and do things on my own.
It doesn't seem like it to a lot of people because I can actually be really loud and hyperactive when I'm with my close friends. I hate crowds btw.

4. I grew up as a "boy" - part time gamer
FYI, I have two older brothers so my life has been pretty much influenced by them such as watching wrestling TV shows (WWE, RAW) and playing video games. I found them more interesting than girls' stuffs so I enjoyed discovering lots of interesting stuffs from the boys. Even I know many of WWE and RAW wrestlers, male or female, their shows, and championships hahaha. My favourites back then were Torrie Wilson, and John Cena.

Regarding "part time gamer", I used to play with my nDS, PC, and PS2. I love to play RPG (mostly Japanese fantasy), zombie (everything) and fighting games in most of the console. My favourites are Pokemon (nDS), Mana Khemia, Tekken (PS),  Resident Evil, Left4Dead (1&2), Dead Rising 2, Dead Island (PC). I used to play online games like Audition, GunBound, and Ran online. Also sometimes I play otome games a.k.a virtual dating games, where I can have my own stories with hot animated guys hahahahaha.
There are more, but I don't remember everything as I stopped playing since grade 10 :(

5. I swear a lot
Every bad words can come out from my mouth and hands in any time, like fuck and shit.

6. Favourite food
I enjoy eating Japanese food, and steaks.
I love desserts, especially ice cream and cheesecake!! My favourite flavour is vanilla!
I'm a picky eater when it comes with vegetables.

7. I am a really bad texter
Basically your penpal or more like your worst person to text with. I can - not opening your message (but not ignoring) for weeks but I will still reply you eventually, except if your texts are not amusing.
Even though I'm like this, I seriously hate when people text me first yet ignore me afterwards.

8. Petite
I've been 153 cm for the past 3 years, and my weight is around 45-50 kg (assuming). I have short legs, with wide hips, fatty thighs, and the booty. My fats seem to be concentrated on my thighs. I'd get so jealous whenever I see girls with long and slim legs.

9. Pink is a part of me (since 1998)
90% of all the stuffs I ever owned must be pink, and my room is super pink-ish. But when it refers to clothing apparel, I like black and white.

10. I love watching horror, thriller, suspense movies
Anything that can trigger my adrenaline or excitement. Asian horror is the best. And please don't make me watch such romantic movies. I'll definitely choose The Conjuring over The Fault In Our Stars.

11. I had braces at some point of my life
I had two fangs clinging on my upper gum so I had to put on braces although it's only around 1 year because I thought my teeth are perfect already and braces look creepy. Now I regret it so much, my teeth look so weird and apparently I have two wisdom teeth which grow horizontally in my lower gum. Gonna do surgery someday later.. damn.

12. Phobia and fears
I have phobia of tall heights and fears of insects, reptiles, amphibians, basically all weird looking animals with scales, creepy eyes, and tongue. NOPE NOPE NOPE.

13. I want to travel and star gaze
One of my bucketlist is to travel the world with my loved ones (family, friends, Bae). I've been craving to watch the stars on the night sky ever since I can't do it in Jakarta. Someday I'd like to visit Korea, Japan, UK, and Greece.

14. I don't drink, smoke, and clubbing
seriously.. waste of time, money, energy, and they're not really good for your health (physically & mentally).

15. Terrible "searcher"
Whenever someone asked me to search for some particular stuff in a room, I failed and gave up most of the time (like 8 out of 10 times).

16. I'm a Japanese geek & K-Poper
I watch anime, read manga, and listen to K-Pop & J-Pop. My favourite mangaka is Yagami Chitose, and I love Doraemon, Crayon Shincan, Naruto, and many more! Used to be a Vocaloid holic and K-Pop lover. My fandom back then were ELF (SuJu) and SONE (SNSD), but now I'm just a regular fan. My bias in SuJu is Leeteuk, and SNSD is Taeyeon (I LOVE HER SO MUCH, I STILL LISTEN TO ALL HER SOLO SONGS). Additionally I was deeply in love with this actor and singer from TRAX whose name is Jay (called him Jay ahjussi and made fan fiction series featuring me and him bahahaha). Oh and my book shelfs in my room are filled with comic books and "How to learn Korean" books. I used to have Korean lesson but I quit because it was too difficult for me.

17. Least favourite subjects
In this whole world, I could never understand how to do Mathematics, especially when numbers combined with letters, like what the fuck is this?! Another subject I dislike is PE, yes I'm so freaking unfit, especially in running, I'd rather die. Most of the time I purposely skipped PE class. Though I like to play baseball.

18. Forever Disney child
I could never get bored about Disney stuffs. My favourite character from Disney is Stitch.

19. Bae calls me Snorlax
Because I'm a sleepyhead and super lazy, not to mention that I eat a lot. I can sleep thrice, up to 12+ hours a day. Some days I also feel lazy to take shower lol.

20. (No longer) Forever Alone
I was a forever alone despite being single for 16 years of my life. Told you that I've never been in a relationship (dating) before. In 16 years, I only have 3 crushes and none of them liked me back. Well, except for Bae which eventually became my boyfriend since 03/July/2014, after 1 year of struggles and our real-life Korean drama. You can even see some part of it in this blog, the sad posts hahaha. Sadly, we're in long distance relationship ever since the new academic year.. He's Korean, I'm only as tall as his chest and he's not handsome, but I love him so much kkk. 

The rest facts are featured in my old post, check it out here!!

Thanks for reading!

14/Sep/2014
"My favourite Pokemon is Eevee, and I always pick the water type as my starter."

Nothing's gonna change my world..

Counting Stars

I have this little obsession of stars and the universe, and it all somehow relate with dreams.

paper star!

Every morning you have two choices :
1. To sleep with your dreams
2. Wake up and chase them

Although I dream so big and fall so hard.. Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have everything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.

As I am a dreamer who sees possibility everywhere. Everything seems dreamy yet it's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

The thing is, I just wanna go on more adventures, be around good energy, connect with people, learn new things, and grow. But for in dreams, we enter a world that is entirely our own. And sometimes I just wanna ran away in my sleep and dreamed of paradise like Neverland.

"You know that place between sleep & awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? 

That's where I will always love you, that's where I'll be waiting. So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. 

Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on winds, forever, in Never Land!  

You can run away with me anytime you want." says Peterpan.

Neverland is not so far. Second star to the right and straight on till' the morning.
And the rest is rust and stardust.
Sometimes I realized none of it was real and set myself free.

"She believed in dreams all right, but she also believed in doing something about them..When Prince Charming didn't come along, she went over to the palace and got him."

The moon danced with the stars in the night you were born.
Every night I look up at the freckled sky and fall in love with the universe all over again.
I say nothing at all, but simply stare upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars.

But stars can't shine without darkness.
The thing about stars, is what makes me not afraid of the dark anymore.

Beautiful things happen in the dark.
When the sun goes to sleep,
when the stars give light kisses,
when the moon is a spotlight.
Life stays beautiful even when you are covered in darkness.

You know the sky is so tragically beautiful, a graveyard of stars.
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night and I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.

Look at the stars,
look how they shine for you.

There are millions and millions of tiny stars in the open night sky. But there's always that one star that shines brighter than the others, and you to me, you are that star.

There are times when I feel like I'm losing you and I see you glide even further to hide behind other stars, but I don't worry.
I have the constellations mapped out on my heart.

Every time you look at the stars, it's like opening a door. You could be anyone, anywhere. You could be yourself at any moment in your life. You open that door and you realize you're the same person under the same stars camping out in the backyard with your best friend, stopping at the edge of the city, looking up at the same stars, walking a wooden path, staring out at the back window of a car, and stuff. Out here where the world begins and ends, it's like nothing ever stops happening.

But all I ever wanted was for you to look at me as if you were the night sky and I was your only star. If I had a star for every time you made me smile, I'd have the whole sky right here in the palm of my hand. I swear, you could create galaxies with the stars in your heart and I swear in that moment we were infinite.

To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine the brightest. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

For now I'll be waiting up, counting the stars.

Touch your heart, close your eyes.
Make a wish, say goodnight.
Sky so wide, stars so bright.
Off the lights, sleep so tight.

26/Aug/2014
"And I'd choose you; 
in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, 
I'd find you and I'd choose you."
- The Chaos of Stars

One of a Kind

This post is specially dedicated to one of my best friend, Maarsja Mumu. I think this name might sound familiar to some of my blog readers, as you see that she's been mentioned a few times on my blog itself.

February OOTD

Maarsja is my close friend since Junior High. She's absolutely gorgeous, loveable, multi-talented, and smart. Since she's pretty much like me, in terms of "hipster material" and fun, we've been spending our time to collaborate and make our own little photoshoots until making our own YouTube channel. If you didn't know, we did a cover of 2NE1's Come Back Home which is uploaded in March, and now reaching 1.7k views soon!! Check it out here ~

Anyway, I still remember how we met for the first time, not to mention the first sentence that I told her hahahaha.. She was like a transfer student despite coming late in the middle of term 1. She told me that I look "arrogant" or something like bitchy but trust me, I'm not lol. Then we just started talking about K-pop and since then we began to get closer as a friend. Even though we were not very close until grade 8. Actually it's not only Maarsja, because we have this "clique" consisting of me, Maarsja, Vanessa, and Ivan (which are all featured in my OOTD posts). We might be a little bit different compared to the other kids at school, considering that we ALWAYS hang out and have our lunch TOGETHER every single day. To be honest, we don't think ourselves as the popular kids, yet we're so proud being called "freaks" due to our quirkiness yet always fun just like happy go lucky.

We are known for our own home-made parties that we plan and organize just by ourselves, yeap future event organizers we have here hahaha. So far we've held our annual Halloween Party, Valentine Party, and my batch's Farewell Party. But our favourite one will always be the Halloween Party which has been going for 4 years straight and hopefully this year we're able to hold another one. The venue is of course my house hahahaha.

I'm so happy that I can get to know those awesome people, and I'm still grateful that I'm friends with them, especially we still hang out often ever since we graduated Junior High School although we went to different schools..

Now unfortunately I just heard this shocking news that Maarsja is moving to Singapore for her further studies.. She informed me this just a few days before her departure. Luckily I managed to meet her for the last time during last week dinner with bae, but that's not even an appointment and I still had no idea this is gonna happen. So that was our last meeting and I didn't even know that's a "farewell meeting" because we planned to hang out again this Saturday..
I didn't have time to say proper farewell or give any goods or even a hug, so that all I can do is just by texting followed by this appreciation post (also instagram). I'm still shocked, disappointed, and sad at the same time.. My mind was totally not prepared for this farewell, because one of the people that I hang out with - the most is leaving to another country. Even though she said that she's gonna come back yet it might be to another country, that's even worse right. Haha this girl tsk tsk..

All I can say is that, I will never forget all the fun memories we've been through together. Like our super random Skype calls, stories about our crushes, that awkward tumblr photoshoot, recording our cover during blackout and many moree. Although I still have one more thing to do with Maarsja in my bucket list, that is to Penny boarding together with another fun photoshoot. Sigh.. I guess it has to be delayed until we meet again next time. But it's a promise, okay? :)

Afterall, we didn't realize we were making memories while we were just having fun.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to let go. Some people are meant to be in your life forever, some aren't. Friends come and go, so does a best friend. But best friends will always find their way back. Good friends are like stars in the sky. You may not always see them, but you know they're always there.

As I grow up, I realize it is less important to have lots of friends, and more important to have real ones. A best friend isn't someone who's just always there for you. It's someone who understands you a bit more than you understand yourself.

Even though we change and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not still friends.

So here's to...
the crap we talk,
the guys we stalk,
the way we hang out,
laughs we can't stop,
the gossip we spill,
the looks that could kill,
the random skype calls,
the awesome song covers,
super fun photoshoots,
home-party preparations,
infinity memories,
endless friendship..

One million memories, ten thousand jokes, one hundred shared secrets, countless fun & laughter, one reason, best friend.

Twenty years from now, I am gonna look back and remember that you were that one person who could turn every frown into a smile in a few simple words; that person who lifted my head when I was losing faith in myself, that one person who carried tears on her shoulders after every fight, every break up; that one person that accepted every decision I made, that one person who knew who I really was and that one person that made the biggest difference in my life.. my best friend.

I won't say "goodbye" because goodbyes make me sad. But I will say "farewell" and be happy for what we had. So many days, so many nights, so many chats.
Thinking to myself I hope this friendship lasts forever.
I just hope and pray that someday later we'll meet again.
As you walk away and I say "farewell".

I wish you all the best for your new journey, I hope this can be your opportunity to improve yourself for your success in the future. Stay healthy, smart, and gorgeous.

Because you are one of a kind, and you'll always be one of my favourite girl in a lifetime.
I'll never say goodbye because, I know that someday we WILL meet again and have fun like we used to.

So long Maarsja, until we meet again! :)

PS : PLEASE ADMIT THAT YOU ARE GORGEOUS, MULTI-TALENTED, AND SMART. JUST SAY YES. You are terlalu merendahkan diri! Hahahaha I love you!!

07/Aug/2014
"Friends come and go, so does a best friend.
But best friends will always find their way back."

Crazy Little Thing Called LOVE

Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, "I love you so much". They're just talking or walking or watching a movie or eating ice cream or laughing or something, and there's something about them in that moment that makes you think 

, "I just love you so much".

We fall in love with personality, the words they say and their behaviour the thoughts and opinions the moments you make and remember we lust with our eyes and love with our hearts.

I would say it is completely possible to fall in love with someone without having a physical contact because it is a pure, raw love of them;who they are and what they're about.

If you ever fall in love... 
Fall in love with someone who wants to know your favourite colour and just how you like your coffee. Fall in love with someone who loves the way you laugh and would do anything to hear it. Fall in love with someone who puts their head on your chest just to hear your heart beat. Fall in love with someone who hugs you in public and is proud to show you off to anyone they know. Fall in love with someone who makes you question why you were afraid to fall in love in the first place. Fall in love with someone who would never ever want to hurt you. Fall in love with someone who falls in love with your flaws and think you're perfect just the way you are. Fall in love with someone who thinks that you're the one they would love to wake up to each day.

Find someone...
Who'll never get tired of kissing you everyday.
Who'll hug you when you're jealous.
Who'll understandingly keep silent when you're mad.
Who'll squeeze your hand when you're not in the mood.
Who'll plan and imagine the future with you in it.
And when you find that somone, 
JUST NEVER LET GO.

Throughout life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored, you could tell them things and they won't judge you. This person is your soulmate, your best friend. Don't ever let them go.

"I love you" means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you - just as you do not expect from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down - not just when you're fun to be with. 

"I love you" means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you from them - asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me.

And it's not what I feel for you, it's for what I don't feel for anyone but you.

Don't call me obsessed when I'm only afraid of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I love you Bae, to the moon and back.

03/Aug/2014
"He's not the only guy in the universe,
but he's the only one that matters for me."