Dear Diary : Nobody Knows

I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings, even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn't guarantee that others will be good towards you. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.

Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who's worth your kindness and who's just taking advantage.

I'm the girl who is always there for people when they need a friend. I'm also the girl who faces many issues alone, but will still do anything to see someone else smile.

But they all didn't see the little bit of sadness in me.


Honestly, I hold in a lot.
When I'm upset, I really don't like to tell anyone. Especially the person who made me that way. No matter how much anyone asks, the answer will always be, "I'm fine". Even if it's not true.

No matter how happy I look, no matter how strong I am,
I always have a breaking point,
and sometimes I want to cry too..

The worst type of crying is the silent one.
The one when everyone is alseep.
The one where you feel it in your throat, and your eyes become blurry from the tears.
The one where you just want to burst and scream.
The one where you have to hold your stomach to keep quiet.
The one where you can't breath anymore.
The one when you realize that no one knows, and no one cares.

No one knows how much I cried that day.

So I like to be left alone.

But when people don't notice I'm absent, it hurts.
And I know it's my own fault for becoming invisible, for isolating myself.

It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible.
Instead, I feel painfully visible and entirely ignored.

But just once,
I want someone to notice, to truly notice and care.



03/Jun/2014
"No one knows how much I cried that day."